So, there’s a handful of my friends/followers who are bugging for a blog post from me. So….here we are. I’ve got a few thoughts tonight I wanna share so, here it goes:
I’m very blessed in that I have more friends today, than I’ve ever known. All kinds of friends on all kinds of levels. You know, it’s like our solar system: all of them revolve at a different distance from the sun. Some are much closer than others. Except in the case of friends, there are choices. Sometimes, the friends choose to revolve at a further distance, until eventually, they’re simply gone.
I love my friends dearly. I mean, I really, REALLY love them. I had such trouble in my school days with the bullying, that I simply cherished any and all friends. So, when it comes to the ones that really know you. The ones we think will always want to stay. When they bow out, it’s beyond difficult. One may say they were never really your friend. Or perhaps, it was for a season, etc., etc., etc. But, when it happens on my watch…I grieve as if they’ve died. I mean, I seriously lament their absence. But, what do you do? If they don’t want to, you can’t force them to stay. And begging is just so not cool. So I freeze, and give them what they want. But, it hurts. It sucks. Rejection never feels good. If I love them, and they’re happiness is found elsewhere, who am I to twist their arm into an eloquent apology, that will at best, only temporarily make me feel better?
So, after much grief and lost nights of insomnia , I did what I should’ve done all along: pray and give them to God, and stop dwelling on it 24/7. My poor brain either chases 100 squirrels at once, or just one squirrel for days,weeks and months.
I don’t know how that story will end. I suppose none of us do. I am bound and determined to make the most of my journey, with whomever is good and willing to tag along. I will not focus on what I do not have, and cherish what I still do. I’ll leave you with this one personal poem I wrote a few weeks ago. And, hopefully gain some peace and closure on the matter. Sometimes, it is SO hard to say goodbye to yesterday. But, we must live for today. Otherwise, we’re merely existing, not living. The poem is entitled, “Irrelevant History “:
Hello, I’m Irrelevant.
You know me by another name
My middle name is History
With a heart I cannot tame
I am what’s left of Innocence
Oh I wish you would recall
Memories, you’d rather forget
You choose not to recall at all
Tick Tock, there are dates to keep
Except for the ones that let you sleep
Well, I still don’t sleep much.
In My head, I’m still trying
To wrap my mind around your goodbying
No note, no apology, no argument
Just time you determined was better spent elsewhere.
I’m unable to squeak out, ‘Why?”
Convinced there’s no use to try
Eloquence wouldn’t sway you now
Cause you have the most anyhow.
More of everything, except love for me.
Hello. I’m Irrelevant History.
Look y’all…I’m gonna be fine. This isn’t intended as a doom and gloom story. Sometimes, we have to be vulnerable and expose what we don’t want to, in order to find peace and relief. Don’t hide your pains and wounds. They won’t stay in the closet forever, and you deserve to feel they way you feel. It’s how you react to those feelings that matters. I love all y’all, more than you know. Don’t be a stranger. We’ll talk again soon! 🙂