Happy Saturday everyone!!  I hope you all have had a restful, peaceful or productive day.  Despite the day of the week, unfortunately my internal clock didn’t get the memo that it was the weekend.  But, I did manage a trip to the gym, a wash and wax for Big Red.  Then I worked out in the yard, visited with a friend, and came back for a little more yard work.  Now, I am pooped!
Buck’s been out there all day…poor thing.  Thank you honey!!

Then, I headed over to my friend Crystal’s restaurant, The Deli, for a tasty chicken salad sandwich!  I was hungry to say the least.  I’m trying very hard to watch what I eat, and to maintain a decent exercise regiment.  It’s tough work, though.

As I was growing up, I used to collect pins, to wear on my jean jacket, my hats, or to keep as a souvenir from different trips I’d taken.  One of them my favorites was this quote:

That quote always stuck with me.  I think a lot of my life was spent somewhere between #2 and 3.  I’d watch others and wonder why nothing was happening for me.  I made excuses, and frankly, I had some pretty solid ones.  I can’t change jobs because of the benefits.  I can’t get out of this bad relationship because I’m stuck.  I can’t lose more weight cause I don’t have time for the gym, and on and on.  One day a few years ago, I realized that no matter how bad my situation was, that I was not stuck.  I was (big gulp)…choosing to keep things exactly the same.  The main reason: I didn’t want to deal with consequences in the aftermath. And, I was afraid of what people would do and say about me.  I don’t know why.  You would think after an entire childhood of bullying, I would be used to that by now.  I worried about the ripple effects that I couldn’t see anticipate.  I was scared to have that hard talk and say how I really felt.  I was afraid of what would happen and whether I’d regret it all.  That day, I realized I had not changed, because I was scared.  And that sounded like the crappiest thing ever.  And I was talking about ME.  Looking at myself for who I really was, it was and is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  It’s easy to be honest about other folks.  It’s way more difficult to face your own self, with the same amount of judgment we use on others.  Well, it disgusted me greatly.  I’ve seen loved ones in my life live in fear every second of the day.   Scared of driving, scared of whose gonna die next, scared of trusting anyone, scared of running out of money, and on and on.  I made up my mind.  I. Will. Not. Live. Like This.

I became more determined than ever.  I don’t like to drive, but dang it, I’ll drive to NC or in downtown Atlanta, or fly by myself between countries,  whatever.  Why?  Because I want to travel.  And I won’t if I stay in my little world of “safety”.
I finally learned to make my mama’s delicious pancakes!!  I tried a long time ago, once…and it was awful.  They tasted more like flapjacks than pancakes, and I assumed I was incapable.  
So, in my hard self-evaluation, it became clear that I was not even trying, because I was intimidated by a bunch of flour, milk and oil. A stupid, inanimate cheap bowl of wet flour!!!!  How dumb could I be?  If I screw it up, throw the crap away!!!  I was never going to learn how to make them like this.  “Fine”, I said.  “I don’t care how long it takes. I’m figuring it out.”  The VERY next time I tried, I had it.  I was one try away from getting it.  One.  And after that, I learned her chicken and dressing, and Grandma June’s sweet potato casserole.  And then, I started playing drums in a band outside of church,  where I’d have to set them up and tear them down,  and do a good job of drumming.  And, I got out of a bad relationship.   I lost weight, and I wear contacts now.  I have got red hair and blonde bangs.  I started buying clothes I loved from Buckle, but wasn’t willing to buy, because I thought I didn’t deserve more pricey clothes.  And finally, the real me, the better me…began to emerge.

Please understand,  I do not say this to brag.  It’s to show you how easy it is to become trapped in your life, because of fear.  Don’t let your life pass you by without trying.  Seriously, try every day to be better than before, and be determined to live life to the fullest!!  And you can be scared…but DO IT ANYWAY!!!!   This isn’t about changing to please others.  It’s about changing to help others.  And if you’re happier, you’ll be in a better position to do that!!

So, during this extremely slow but prayerful metamorphosis,  I heard an old Sam Cooke song, called “A Change Is Gonna Come”.  I wasn’t familiar with it, though I love his other work very much.  This was by a new cat named Mike Farris.  He was singing it live on tv.  I happened to walk into the living room where the tv was playing, and I just stopped.  I stood there and wept as he sang.  This song, a parallel to my life and what I came from, and where I wanted to be, and the faith I was clinging to that one day, with God’s help, I was gonna get there.  It came at a time that was very dark in my life, and out of nowhere, here was The Light that I needed to keep going.  Mike Farris has a voice that just goes through you and touches your tippy toes.  I’ve met him twice after two shows, and he’s the nicest guy.  He has this amazing gift and even more amazing story of how he went from addiction to faith to sobriety.  The album it’s on is called Salvation In Lights.  It’s not preachy, so don’t worry.  He covers several old spirituals, and he does it flawlessly.
So, go find some inspiration today.  Be willing to see the real you.  Then, buff that rough piece of coal into the diamond that you’re destined to be.
Have a great evening and rest of the weekend.  Love to all.