Boo everybody!!  It’s Tuesday!!  Yeah, I’m not excited about it either, lol!  Have you ever had one of those times in your life, when life just seems to be kicking your tale?  You know what I’m talking about…when there’s so much inner turmoil,  that you simply feel like a mere shell of your old self?  I sure get that way sometimes.  It’s so easy to let a number of bad circumstances or a couple of opinions, hurt you in places you didn’t know you could hurt.  It could be the classmate at school who is always a punk.  Maybe it’s the parent who never thought you measured up.  Or a supervisor who deep down doesn’t respect you, because they think you’ve done nothing with your life.  It could even be a lover’s quarrel or a close friend.  This can easily trigger a state of sadness, especially for the tenderhearted, people pleasing type. 
Much of my life has been sorting through significant, painful experiences…and learning how to  move on while staying intact.  Sometimes, it can be a challenge.  In the last five years, I have experienced several major intense life changes.  I had several family members, close friends and a dog pass away.  I’ve gone through a divorce, giving half of my belongings away and having to admit I failed.  I lost friends that decided they couldn’t be friends with me anymore.  My old boss of 16 years retired. I moved.  I changed churches. I drive a big red truck instead of a low rider hoopdie.  My mama has breast cancer and is undergoing a very rough chemo regiment. I got married.  I changed my name and my address. My grandma can’t remember if my Granddaddy actually died back in January.  Please dont mistake this as a ploy for your sympathy.  I’m sharing all this to let you know you’re not alone.  We feel alone going through these things.  We feel isolated.  We feel like overwhelming failures and hypocrites, for having hope that we could succeed.  The hardest thing in the world, is to not guide your life by your feelings.   The heart gets overloaded and clouds our thinking.  Top that with some racing a.d.d. brain activity, and it’s nothing short of a nuclear meltdown, if you’re not careful. 
I have to just lay still sometimes and get quiet, and pray.  It’s impossible to fix all my problems by myself, or all at once.  I try to do what I can myself.  Some things require willingness from others to help.   The rest I leave to God to handle.  I hope today’s ramblings will be meaningful for someone out there today.

Ghost In This House is one of the saddest songs out there.  Check out this snippet of lyrics:
“I’m just a ghost in this house.
I’m just a shadow upon these walls.
I’m living proof of the damage heartbreak does.
I’m just a flicker of smoke.
I’m all that’s left of two hearts on fire,
that once burned out of control.
You took my body and soul.
I’m just a ghost in this house.”

This song describes those moments in my life, where I feel like only a piece of the old me.  Songs are so faithful.  I can play this song (or any other one, for that matter) and evoke the same feeling I had, the first time I ever heard it.  The circumstances which are conjured up, may change along the way.  But those same feelings of intensity come right back.  It’s like sharing your feelings with a close, trusted friend.  They share in your joy and cry when you cry.  Songs can hug you tight, inspire you to dream big, or help you get over someone.  Music is a miraculous tool. 
Well, I  appreciate your time as always.  Thank you for being my friends.  We’ll talk soon.   Love to all!