Welcome back everybody!
         Hope tonight finds you happy and well.  I’m finally chillin’ for the evening after eating a plate full of Shealy’s BBQ. Great comfort food.
      This evening, we’re sitting on the front porch.  This is my quiet place.  Well, our house is never quiet.  Leave it to two musicians to make sure of that.  But, when I need a little bit of time for reflection or prayer, this is my spot. 
     Obviously,  there’s nothing fancy here.  We’ve made lots of progress, and there’s lots more to do.  But, slowly but surely, we’re making our house a home.
     What makes it home for you?  Well, for me, I must be able to walk around barefoot.  Ask any of my friends.  First thing I do after hugging necks is kickin’ my shoes off.  That’s a must.

I love being comfy. I want denim, and tank tops, and being warm.  So in the winter,  that requires a ton of clothes, and a fire!!

Oh yeah, and some good food too!!!
Now, me personally,  I am a sucker for anything nachos, cheesecake or caramel.  Wish I had a sundae…

Home is where ever you feel at home.  I’ve lived in places that didn’t feel like home at all.  I feel at home on stage.  I feel like I’m at home when I’m with my friends.

I feel most at home, with this fella right here:

It’s taken a long time, but I finally found someone who is satisfied with just me.  Nothing on the side.  He isn’t trying to change me.  He just wants me to feel loved.  He made his house my home from day one.  He works hard. He loves his daughters. He loves God.  He’s truthful, and extremely loyal. 
I thank God for him every day.

“Feels Like Home” is a song that makes me think of what I’ve been through, and where I am now.  There are several versions of the song.  My personal favorite is by Bonnie Raitt.  The people in our lives is what takes us home.  I just wanted to take the time to thank Buck for everything.   May you all feel the warmth of home tonight.   Take care friends.   We’ll talk soon.  Love to all.

     Happy “What Day Is It” everyone!!!
Man, what a day.  Only 2 more work days til the weekend, and boy,  am I glad.  Seems like everything we experience happens all the time, doesn’t it?   The church folks is always saying, “God is good all the time”.

But, let an idiot swerve in front of you, then slam on brakes, and I guarantee you, somebody gonna be needing Jesus…I’m just sayin’.  It might be me for what I said, or their sorry butt for being stupid enough to jump in front of an F250 diesel pick up truck.  And we all know sho’ enough, that road rage happens all…the…time.
Then we’ve got the folks who can’t keep things together, because all they want to do is “Party All the Time”.

Then, we have that friend that has no friends, and that you avoid commenting on any of their Facebook posts, because no matter what you say or do, they stay offended all the time.

Then there’s the folks that you stopped making plans with, because they are so busy, that if you ask them to lunch, they’ll say no, then spend 20 minutes explaining how truly busy they really are. Might as well have met for lunch after all, ain’t it?

None of us will be fondly remembered by our loved ones, for how many times we said “God is good”, or our partying skills, or our busy schedules.  However, they will remember every time we made time, just for them.  And, if we made people smile when we walk into a room.
If we’re a person who meant what they said…talked the talk and walked the walk.  Don’t ever let your mouth write a check that your butt can’t cash.  That’s good stuff right there!!

So, I go back to my friend Donna’s house in NC.  Donna, Kim and I are standing in the middle of her living room, with the stereo blasting.  She’s got her guitar out to jam along when she or I feel the urge.  Donna’s sister is sweet as punch.  She makes mixtape  cd’s of different songs, and it’s from all over the place.  She gave Donna this particular cd with a bunch of country and bluegrass on it.  We are jumping and dancing around to this “All the Time” song,  and no one knows who the heck it is yet.  But, we are hitting repeat nonstop and dancing like nobody’s business…just having a great time!! Thank God for the Sound hound app. Her name is Elizabeth Cook.

This girl sounds kinda like Dolly Parton, but yet, totally her own style.  It’s hard to explain.  But the girl can sing!  And she’s purty too!  Everytime I play this song, I am immediately back in Donna’s living room, just tearing it up with the rest of my crazy hippie music buddies.  As my sweet friend Kim likes to say, ” We had us a TIME”!!!!!! 
Life is too short and time is not long enough to be wasted.  Time is more valuable than money…and so are YOU!!!
Don’t waste your life away with only work and busy schedules.  We all need each other.  Right?!  Right on.

Thanks for spending some time with me.  I cherish your love and support, and hope somehow that these writings will be meaningful for us all.

Our band, Sanctuary, will be performing this Saturday at Buffalo Creek in Prosperity, starting at 6pm.  It’s on the lake with hot food and cold drink.  Come on out and bring a smile or hug with you.  I’ll take both.  😀
Thanks again and we’ll talk soon. 
Love to all!

Hey everybody!
      We survived Monday.  Thank God.  I even survived a dental appointment.   Yay me!  Do you feel like somebody’s watching you?  I feel that way.  Look who all is watching us now:

First off, we have God.

Then we have Big Brother.

Next, there’s Santa Claus.

Nevermind those of us that are highly observant, nosy, or merely semi-pyscho-analyzing everyone with whom we have contact.  That’s a different story.

It’s been said that on average, a person who lives in a big city is recorded on camera, an average of 75 times a day.  Perhaps, that sounds outrageous at first.  But, think about it.  If you pump gas, walk into a bank, work for a large corporation, eat at the Waffle House, go to the drug store, shop at Walmart  (bless your heart), or drive down the interstate…SMILE!!  You’re on camera!
And if that isn’t 75 times too many, then we’re infatuated with 75 selfies and duck faces to post for social media.  Crazy, isn’t it?  Crazy is good by design,  not by default.  As long as people still say I’m weird, but in a cool way…then everything’s cool.  The day folks start saying, She’s just weird…I’m in trouble.  But, that day ain’t today, so yay me again, lol!!

So, of all the crazy songs out in the universe I could’ve gained inspiration and motivation to play keyboard, it was this one:

A one hit wonder who had the honor of the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson, singing the chorus.  No wonder it was a hit.  Please keep in mind, I was ten years old.  I was too young to know who Emerson, Lake and Palmer were yet.  I didn’t know about Yes.  Jan Hammer had one more year before the Miami Vice theme song put him on the map.  A girl has to find her mojo where ever she can find it.  This just happened to be the one.  It was catchy.  Michael Jackson sang his part great.  And the lead solo wasn’t a guitar. It wasnt a piano.  It wasn’t an organ.  It was a synthesizer. And I was hooked.  I had to have one. 
For Christmas that same year, I got a Casio synthesizer keyboard.  It had 49 mini keys, and it even had a 5 band graphic eq on it,  which amazes me now, for the price and technology of the day.  Well, if you’ve ever owned a Casio keyboard, they usually came with a one finger full chord background for the left hand.   It had different rhythms that changed the accompaniment as you played.  Well, one of them I could play My Girl by The Temptations to the tee!!  The other was I Just Called to Say I Love You, by Stevie Wonder.  Now, if you ever want your parents to be really glad they bought you this gizmo…learn to play an old Doo wop song for your doo-woppin’ daddy.  Oh yeah.  It’s a home run, my friends.  I would go in and out of Service Merchandise, Walmart and Radio Shack.  I’d find the keyboards and start playing one of those songs.  And either you’d draw a crowd,  or run off what I lovingly call the “plunk plunkers”.  The ones that have no intention of learning how to play, and are just, well…plunking on the it.  Hee hee.  It takes all kinds, so don’t get your hockey hot if you’re a plunker.  It’s totally fine.  We need each other.  If everyone played, no one would listen.  Well, the silly little song helped me go a long way.  And I still like the song. Go figure.  It’s the little things people.   It truly is.  God bless and we’ll catch up soon.  Love to all.

Hey y’all!
      So, how many of us eat ice cream? (Show of hands please…)  I used to eat it all the time as a kid.  We’d buy the cheap kind in the half gallon carton.  Anyone remember eating “Pine State” or “Superbrand”?  We bought Pine State from Young’s gas station.  The Superbrand was Winn Dixie’s generic brand.  Both were very good.   But if I was at Grandma June’s house…she had Sealtest or Breyer’s.  And oh my Lord, that was the really good stuff.  She kept it in the freezer in a Tupperware container.  That white plastic box equated red wrapping paper and a pretty gold bow to me.  Whoooo HOO!!
Now, the true maximum Utopian ice cream experience was the rare occasion we went to Baskin-Robbins after church, or the Dairy Cream (Yes that’s right, not DQ).  Lord have mercy, I can still taste it now.  Then, a few years later, I guess everyone became obsessed with calorie counting instead of taste, and soon, opened up TCBY.  And hence, began the fro yo movement.
Last Sunday was National Ice Cream Day.  And unfortunately,  I didn’t get to celebrate.  (Bless my heart.) 
Now, I’m a grown woman.   Frozen yogurt is everywhere, trying to pretend to be as great and tasty as the real thing.  It’s harder to find the ice cream shoppes.  But, thank goodness they’re still around.  What is my all time favorite ice cream?  I’m glad you asked.  😉  My favorite place is Coldstone Creamery. 

Now, my friends, this cannot be compared to other similar ice cream franchises.  It’s all about consistency.   The creamier and smoother it is, the better.  And ice cream shouldn’t melt to almost water 30 seconds after they slap it in the waffle cone.  Right?!  I love me some cheesecake flavor or cake batter.  Mmm mmm MMM.  Homemade peach ice cream is simply wonderful stuff too.  I’m an expert taster and quality control expert,  if anyone is in need, lol!!!

Back at the music store, I was promoted to what Mrs. Ruth called the Record Bar Manager.  Weekly, I reviewed the list of new releases and placed the order for any cd’s, cassettes, records, sheet music, accompaniment tracks, etc.  And I ordered them over the phone, with this cool cat named Jennifer, out of Connecticut.  She drove a Harley, had lots of tattoos, and she had a wide varied taste in music. We got to know one another over time. I ordered on Mondays, and this particular day, Sarah Maclachlan was releasing her album, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy.  

I asked Jennifer what I could order for myself, something new.  She said to get this album,  and listen to “Ice Cream”.  Well, she was right.  What a cool tune.  On her live recordings, you can hear the fans just hollering out the lyrics.  She’s another great songwriter and performer.   Check out her Surfacing cd too.  It’s awesome too.  But, eating ice cream always prompts me to sing a little “Ice Cream ” too.  Hope you’ll like it too.  Stay cool everyone!!!  Love to all!

Happy Saturday everyone!!  I hope you all have had a restful, peaceful or productive day.  Despite the day of the week, unfortunately my internal clock didn’t get the memo that it was the weekend.  But, I did manage a trip to the gym, a wash and wax for Big Red.  Then I worked out in the yard, visited with a friend, and came back for a little more yard work.  Now, I am pooped!
Buck’s been out there all day…poor thing.  Thank you honey!!

Then, I headed over to my friend Crystal’s restaurant, The Deli, for a tasty chicken salad sandwich!  I was hungry to say the least.  I’m trying very hard to watch what I eat, and to maintain a decent exercise regiment.  It’s tough work, though.

As I was growing up, I used to collect pins, to wear on my jean jacket, my hats, or to keep as a souvenir from different trips I’d taken.  One of them my favorites was this quote:

That quote always stuck with me.  I think a lot of my life was spent somewhere between #2 and 3.  I’d watch others and wonder why nothing was happening for me.  I made excuses, and frankly, I had some pretty solid ones.  I can’t change jobs because of the benefits.  I can’t get out of this bad relationship because I’m stuck.  I can’t lose more weight cause I don’t have time for the gym, and on and on.  One day a few years ago, I realized that no matter how bad my situation was, that I was not stuck.  I was (big gulp)…choosing to keep things exactly the same.  The main reason: I didn’t want to deal with consequences in the aftermath. And, I was afraid of what people would do and say about me.  I don’t know why.  You would think after an entire childhood of bullying, I would be used to that by now.  I worried about the ripple effects that I couldn’t see anticipate.  I was scared to have that hard talk and say how I really felt.  I was afraid of what would happen and whether I’d regret it all.  That day, I realized I had not changed, because I was scared.  And that sounded like the crappiest thing ever.  And I was talking about ME.  Looking at myself for who I really was, it was and is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  It’s easy to be honest about other folks.  It’s way more difficult to face your own self, with the same amount of judgment we use on others.  Well, it disgusted me greatly.  I’ve seen loved ones in my life live in fear every second of the day.   Scared of driving, scared of whose gonna die next, scared of trusting anyone, scared of running out of money, and on and on.  I made up my mind.  I. Will. Not. Live. Like This.

I became more determined than ever.  I don’t like to drive, but dang it, I’ll drive to NC or in downtown Atlanta, or fly by myself between countries,  whatever.  Why?  Because I want to travel.  And I won’t if I stay in my little world of “safety”.
I finally learned to make my mama’s delicious pancakes!!  I tried a long time ago, once…and it was awful.  They tasted more like flapjacks than pancakes, and I assumed I was incapable.  
So, in my hard self-evaluation, it became clear that I was not even trying, because I was intimidated by a bunch of flour, milk and oil. A stupid, inanimate cheap bowl of wet flour!!!!  How dumb could I be?  If I screw it up, throw the crap away!!!  I was never going to learn how to make them like this.  “Fine”, I said.  “I don’t care how long it takes. I’m figuring it out.”  The VERY next time I tried, I had it.  I was one try away from getting it.  One.  And after that, I learned her chicken and dressing, and Grandma June’s sweet potato casserole.  And then, I started playing drums in a band outside of church,  where I’d have to set them up and tear them down,  and do a good job of drumming.  And, I got out of a bad relationship.   I lost weight, and I wear contacts now.  I have got red hair and blonde bangs.  I started buying clothes I loved from Buckle, but wasn’t willing to buy, because I thought I didn’t deserve more pricey clothes.  And finally, the real me, the better me…began to emerge.

Please understand,  I do not say this to brag.  It’s to show you how easy it is to become trapped in your life, because of fear.  Don’t let your life pass you by without trying.  Seriously, try every day to be better than before, and be determined to live life to the fullest!!  And you can be scared…but DO IT ANYWAY!!!!   This isn’t about changing to please others.  It’s about changing to help others.  And if you’re happier, you’ll be in a better position to do that!!

So, during this extremely slow but prayerful metamorphosis,  I heard an old Sam Cooke song, called “A Change Is Gonna Come”.  I wasn’t familiar with it, though I love his other work very much.  This was by a new cat named Mike Farris.  He was singing it live on tv.  I happened to walk into the living room where the tv was playing, and I just stopped.  I stood there and wept as he sang.  This song, a parallel to my life and what I came from, and where I wanted to be, and the faith I was clinging to that one day, with God’s help, I was gonna get there.  It came at a time that was very dark in my life, and out of nowhere, here was The Light that I needed to keep going.  Mike Farris has a voice that just goes through you and touches your tippy toes.  I’ve met him twice after two shows, and he’s the nicest guy.  He has this amazing gift and even more amazing story of how he went from addiction to faith to sobriety.  The album it’s on is called Salvation In Lights.  It’s not preachy, so don’t worry.  He covers several old spirituals, and he does it flawlessly.
So, go find some inspiration today.  Be willing to see the real you.  Then, buff that rough piece of coal into the diamond that you’re destined to be.
Have a great evening and rest of the weekend.  Love to all.

Hey everybody!
     I cannot tell you how excited I am about the fact it’s Friday.  Gonna try and squeeze in a nap or two, if my brain can shut off for a little bit.  See, I have ADD.  Imagine having multiple thoughts zooming through your cranium at the speed of light…all the time.  Yeah, that’s me.  Daddy told me once he’d love to be in my head for 15 minutes.  I told him I didn’t think he’d want to be in there 15 seconds!!  I talk a lot, I admit.  But, I do use a filter, and God help, Daddy would not want my first draft of the thought process, lol!  The battle is real.

How many times do we have someone ask how we’re doing, only to reply, “I’m fine”.  If they continue to press the issue , we say, “I don’t wanna talk about it”.  We’re quick to defend ourselves if caught making a mistake.  We blurt out, “I can’t help it.  I’m only human.”  And yet, we strive daily for the appearance of perfection.  We’re fine.  Nothing is wrong.  If there is a problem, I can handle it.  I find the contradiction puzzling, yet it is my natural tendency.  I struggle somewhere between Wonder Woman and Dead Poet’s Society.   And many of you are this way too.   You’re out there trying to save the world, while wishing you had the strength to admit what’s really going on…on the inside.  I mean, look at Robin Williams.

He was so incredibly gifted…and yet, his suffering rose to such a level, that living became too difficult for him.  When Robin didn’t feel like being funny anymore, we all cried.  We all wished someone would’ve known how to help him.  It is true…we’re all human.  And if Robin deserved to be reached out to and helped… then my friend, so do you.  We all wake up with horrible breath, the urge to pee, and bad hair.  We’re all vulnerable in some way.  But surely, beauty can be created from the brokenness.   Perhaps not today.  But trust me, it does come.  Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Once upon a time I had my heart broken by a guy. (Awwww….)  I wrote a bunch of sad songs about it. I lit a candle and stared at a picture of us together, to rub in the pain even more, and played every relevant sad song that came to mind.  Of course, that was like a zillion of them (I’m ADD, remember?).  It’s ok if you’re laughing as you read this story.  It’s meant to be funny.  It just wasn’t funny back then.  Of course, which song did I wear out?  “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” by Rod Stewart.

It has one of my favorite bass lines.  Simple and soothing, as if to provide comfort in the midst of the pain.  Songs are such great commiserators. 
Let’s have each other’s back too.  A little
music doesn’t hurt either…

Rock on, my dear friends.  Love to all.

Top of the mornin’ to ya!!  What’s up?  Uh, the temperature for one thing.  My sorry butt for another, when I should be passed out cold from exhaustion. 

Think about the metamorphosis of this term throughout time.  Here’s an old school version:

I will always love Looney Tunes and I will watch them when I’m in my 90s, just like my granddaddy,  and laugh and laugh!!
Then, there’s the 90s pop up video
version:

Same meaning, but wow, what a different picture each one paints in our minds…kinda like, “Mmm hmm”.  You’ve got the “I agree”, mmm hmm.  Then there’s the “I don’t believe a word you’re saying”, mmm hmm.  Oh, and how about the “I was never interested and I’ve completely stopped listening”, mmm hmm.  ROTFL!!  Have to be careful with that one, or they’ll ask you to repeat what they just said, and then you can’t tell them.  Oh, wait a minute…that’s what I do, LOL!!!    
Say what you mean, and mean what you   say.  Cause just like music, tone is everything!!!!

Do you find it annoying or intriguing, when a song is titled with a phrase not used in the lyrics?  You know, like “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, or “Enter Sandman” by Metallica, or “Rainy Day Women #12 and 35” by Bob Dylan?  Well, my anthem song of all time has gotta be, “What’s Up”, by 4 Non Blondes.  And everybody thought it was called,  What’s Goin’ On.  Ok, that was slightly frustrating working at a music store.
Here’s a picture of the one I worked at from ’92 to ’95:

SEACO Music.  Still the best job I ever had.  I got to order new music and sell it, while selling instruments, p.a. equipment, drumsticks, sheet music and concert tickets!  Those were the days. 
Alright, so it’s 1993.  I’m 19, almost 20 years old, and I’ve been working there for about 9 months.  So, Brooks (who now owns SEACO’s) and Winston were playing a duo acoustic gig at Mike’s Oyster Bar in Sumter.  My friends who also worked at the store knew I could play instruments, but had never heard me sing.  And, almost all of my singing background was just that…the alto in the background.  But I knew this song inside and out.  Plus, it fit perfectly in my vocal range. So, Brooks gives me the opportunity and says, if I come out to the oyster bar, he’ll let me sing one.  So I twist my friend’s arm, Mary, to go with me for moral support.  We arrive during the first set, and there is a large group of HUGE construction workers, who are all drinking beer at a big round table up front.  I go to praying,  “Oh sweet Jesus, please don’t let me suck!!  Oh God.  If they throw beer bottles at me, I’m gonna die!  And humiliate myself!  What was I thinking?!”  And by this time, the altar call was over and it was time to put up or shut up.  My heart is pounding!!!  So, off I go in the key of A, strumming my guitar and singing a top 40 pop song to all my music peers and this massive group of construction hulks,
with bottles in hand.  About 15 seconds into it, I find my nerve and look out onto the crowd.  My friends have their mouths hanging down in shock.  I’m starting to think,this may be okay.  Then, the biggest guy sitting at the table of construction hulks stands up and is headed towards the stage..  He looks like Willie Nelson on steroids!  “Oh my God”, I thought.   “He wanted Skynyrd and now I’m mince meat”!!!!  He looks at me and smiles as he tips his head and the bottle, as if to say, “Mmm hmm.  I approve”.  Well, now I’m wearing permagrin, and that night, as you can tell, turned out to be a memorable one. It was truly a turning point in my music career, and I haven’t slowed down since.  I still love to perform that song on occasion.  My bass player friends…not so much.  It’s fairly repetitive on bass.

Morals of the story:  Don’t give up.  Don’t chicken out.  Be yourself.  Construction guys are very friendly.  Never fear making mistakes…be more afraid of allowing fear to cripple you, preventing you from reaching your true destiny.  Got it?!  Good!!  Peace out and love to all!!!

Hey everybody!!
         I hope you all are doing ok, and are at peace tonight.  Last night, I had way too much noise going on in my head.  The result?  Three hours of sleep. Yay. Insomnia and I have been hanging out  for many years.  But, it is certainly not my friend.

Hopefully, I’ll fair better tonight.  Salute to all my insomniac friends! (yawn)

So, back in the day, when I was a junior at Sumter High School, I took an AP Music Theory class from our assistant band director, Joe Allison.  He’s a cool guy.  He composes, conducts, judges drum and bugle corps…the whole nine yards.  Anyway, our class was a combination of aural skills (ear training) and music theory  (the logic behind the sheet music).  Now, he would give us aural tests to see if we could hear the distance between two different sounds.  If it’s a perfect 4th, it sounds like Here Comes the Bride.  A minor 2nd is the theme from Jaws. A perfect 5th is the first two notes to Star Wars….you get the picture.

So now that you’re thinking about using the force and walking down the aisle during shark week…imagine your teacher hitting a note on a marimba, followed by tapping a music stand.  Or a chime then a timpani drum?  I learned a lot in that class.  More than I ever imagined.

So, one day, Mr. Allison brings in an article about Billy Joel, out of Keyboard magazine.  I’m thinking, “Oh yeah!  I love Keyboard magazine!  I love Billy Joel!  This is great!”  Until…he starts asking for the meaning of words in this article, that frankly, sounded like someone opened up a Britannica Encyclopedia that erupted like a volcano, somewhere between Thoreau and a NASA space mission.  Great.  My 5 second attention span is gonna LOVE this…sigh.  

I learned two new terms during that report: juxtaposition and tintinnabulation.  From that day on, I at least considered my vocabulary and if I chose to speak poor English, it would be by choice, lol!!

This is the song Billy Joel released that year, and one of the few songs I learned by sheet music, rather than by ear.  It has a great piano accompaniment,  and cool lyrics too!

So, everytime I play this song or hear it on the radio, I think of Mr. Allison and juxtaposition and tintinnabulation.  And so it goes, and so it goes, and so I go to beddie bye.  Night night.  Love to all!

Hey everybody!
       How many times do we wish we could change something about ourselves, in the click of an instant?  What would you change about yourself?  Your hair?  Your nose? Your butt?  Or, would it be something else?  Your inability to say no?  Your selfishness?  Your temper?  If you’re like me, there’s a laundry list of stuff I wish I could instantly change.  But, not everything comes as easy as DVR’ing a tv show, or speaking an address into our cell phones when we need directions.  The changes I’ve made…the changes I’m making…are slow and painful.  It comes back to that “hard to honestly look in the mirror” thing we were talking about yesterday.

It’s a cold, hard truth.  Most of us choose to see ourselves the way we want others to see us….not what’s really there.  I’m not there yet by a long shot.   But each day I pray I’m a better woman, lover, wife and stepmom, than I was the day before.  It’s challenging, to say the least.  But, worth it.
What would I do if I could snap my fingers?  I’d be more like this girl:

The one on the left….that’s my bff, Melissa.  She is loving and sweet, ambitious and super likable, but can stand up to anyone or anything she’s passionate about, if you cross her, her family, or a friend.  She will love you through any situation, even if you’re wrong.   But make her mad, and she will cut your butt up, fry you on high heat, and serve your carcass to the buzzards, lol!!!  That’s a slight exaggeration there, but it was too funny not to put it that way.  Baaaaaahaha!!!!!!  I don’t aspire to be her because she’s perfect…none of us are.  But if I could bottle her goodness and spunk in a bottle and sell  that stuff, we’d all be better for it.

I’m ok being me.  I suck at trying to be something I’m not.  So, as long as I try to improve ME, than that’s the main thing.
Miranda Lambert is my all time  favorite female country singer.  She can write it, play it, sing it, harmonize it, and produce the album too.  I so wanna be her when I grow up!!  My all time favorite song of hers is “More Like Her”.  Yes, it’s sad, I’m warning you already.  She loves a guy who loves her for awhile, and then goes back to his old lover.  And although it’s a slow, acoustic guitar based lovin’ and leavin’ song…the lyrics are so poignant. 

That is my favorite line.  It speaks volumes in two sentences.  I just love that!!  Well, if you’re not familiar with her, listen to that song!  Then, play her Revolution album.  It’s chock full of great music!!!  Well, I’ll shut it down for now.  Y’all have been wonderful and so supportive.  It has been awesome making new friends and catching up with old ones.  Take care everyone and we’ll talk again soon.  Love to all!

So, I grew up in the ever growing small town of Sumter, SC.  Sumter is unique in the fact that it’s full of locals and has a military base.  So, even though I was born and raised there, I had lots of friends between school and church that were from military families.  It definitely exposed me to different backgrounds and cultures, for which I’m very glad.

School was relatively smooth, academically speaking.  I took mostly college prep, honors and AP classes, and did fairly well.  Popularity?  Eh, not so much.  I wore glasses, had red hair, wrote left-handed, and was raised by very conservative, extremely protective parents.  I was the perfect target for bullying.  I was bullied by the neighborhood kids, school mates, and even kids at church on occasion.  When I was 7, the neighborhood kids decided to have a “club”.  Everyone else was automatically in, except my brother and I.  We needed to undergo an initiation first, and if we passed the test, we were in.  I remember having a “rose garden” scratched on my arm with a pick-up-stix, and I couldn’t cry or complain.  I also had to fight a couple of the neighborhood kids too.  Still to this day, the only real fist fight I’ve ever participated in.   It was in the summer, and the whole neighborhood was there, including teenagers.  I had to fight two people.  The first fight I won.   I learned I had a strong right punch,  The next fight was with a girl a year older than me, and much bigger in size.  We were wrestling on the ground, when I heard Mama’s Pontiac Grand Prix come screaming down the road!!  That wasn’t fun either.  At middle school, groups of kids would sit in science class, writing as many mean things as possible…giggling the whole time.  Then one of them would crumple it up, “accidentally” drop it on the floor, and givie it to me saying, “Somebody asked me to give you this note.”  You get the idea…school sucked.

I don’t say these things to gain sympathy.  I finally forgave the ones that hurt me through life, and I simply continue to pray for them.  Forgiveness is a choice.  So is deciding to stay a victim the rest of your life.  Believe me, forgiveness is a better choice, even if they don’t deserve it.  Do it for yourself.

Imagine if you will, a bullied, four eyed, music driven, extrovert.  So, I’m picked on at school…but put me in a clogging class, or a children’s choir, and buddy, I’m front and center!  My first cousins (whom I totally love and adore wholeheartedly) have called me “Mouth” and “Peacock” over the years, which is true and I just laugh!!!  I have the best cousins in the world!!!!!  I really do!!!

This is who I am.

In the middle of this crowd, there’s one guy wearing an orange shirt.  I took this attending a Jack White concert at the Township Auditorium. Now, I’m not one for wearing orange..I’m a Carolina fan!!!

Everytime I look at the “One Orange Shirt” photo, I think about myself.  I am the perfect dichotomy of someone whose eccentric personality stands out like a sore thumb…and yet, I want everybody to like me, while being so vastly different.   Perhaps some of you know what I’m talking about.  We all want to stand out, and fit in at the same time.

Sometimes, not fitting in, or not being appreciated by who you are, by people who should know better, can be a struggle.  I’ve spent years trying to prove my worth to certain people, of which I’ve had to become brutally honest with myself, and accept that they will never understand me, nor do they want to.  Well, instead of sitting around crying about it, I’m doing something about it…one day at a time.  I am not going to base my worth to the world, on someone else’s undervalued opinion of me.  And you, my friends, shouldn’t either.  We are all important- every single one of us, and that includes YOU.

This can be a struggle when you’re not able to do a lot about the situation today.  Sometimes holding on for 5 minutes at the time, seems like too much.  Gosh knows, I have the closet full of t-shirts on that one.  But, no matter how bad it gets, you must hold on.  You have to.  You can’t limit the rest of your life to what you can only see today.

It was just a few years ago, that I thought I was done.  I felt unlovable, not needed, and a burden.  I felt trapped in my situation, and that I’d never get out.  Then, one day I became acutely aware, that I was making a choice not to change my situation.  Worrying about the consequences, and other people’s reactions, and money, and blah, blah, blah.  But, you too can rise above your situation.  It took a lot of prayer, a couple of years of some deep soul searching, and looking at myself hard in the mirror, for who I really was, and not who I wanted to be.  But,now I can see my life is in a much better place, and headed to bigger and better places down the road.  The picture above are lyrics from one of my new favorite songs.  It’s “Hold On” by the Alabama Shakes.  It’s a powerful song, even in it’s simplicity.  I find it very inspirational.  Give this song a listen when you get a chance.  I’m sure you’ll like it!  We’re learning this song in the band, and I can’t wait to perform it live.  It’s got my name written all over it (grin)!!!  Thanks again for spending time with me.  Love to all!!!